Bribing the Ref...

...is what the Police must have done.

We started off out match well against the fat old bastards, but couldn't score due to the referee denying about 4 trys we scored. By half time we should have been ahead well in control but I think it was tied. Either way it was nice to see us dominating most parts of the game. But the one thing we were not dominating in was bribes and payouts to the ref. He was absolute rubbish, horse turds, disgraceful even.

The end to the game was the best part. We were ahead 17-12 with the clock ticking away rather slowly. Very very very rather slowly. 3 minutes left turned into I think 15. Everyone on the pitch heard the referee's timer go to end the game, which usually means when the ball goes out or no one is attacking or the ball changes possession in a neutral area the game is blown over. Not in this case. We kicked the ball out twice I believe, the ball changes possession at least twice, still no whistle. The bench was erupting in calls for the refs head.

To make a long painful awful display of 'reffing' short, he didn't blow the game over until about 2 hours later, and by then the Fat Piggies had scored and converted to go up 2 points. Less than 2 seconds after they kicked the winning points the ref blew the whistle. People have been beaten and mauled for less.

Anyway, here are a few excerpts from the club chairman Sir Chris Roberts.

"The start of the game was evenly matched and we had some good phases of possession taking the ball forward. Despite giving away a small water buffalo, a couple of rhino and a mouse in the scrum we were holding reasonably well, until Scott glass neck head butted the floor. Scott was subbed for Tom who lasted until the next scrum and managed to pop his shoulder."

"The defence was good all game, we had either the charging elephant attack or some good lines and runs from their backs. Each was usually brought down in short order."

"A lot of effort was put in during the first half, with players looking out on their feet. Luckily police were in a similar state and were also carrying round walrus blubber overcoats as well, something we tend not to have as a team with the exception of Pavroti Clarke, who is quite frankly a fat freak of nature."

"Half time speeches and a spittle drenching were supplied from Captain Claudio. The Latin American aggression was evident in all of Claudio's speeches. The liberal use of the "F" word with that accent and a lot of talk of unspeakable things to the oppositions back door.. It has been suggested that the speeches of Mrs Thatcher should be consulted for his inspirational and motivational drive to players, rather than five minutes on smashing the back doors off male opponents. "No, No, no, the scrum is not for turning" has a much better ring to it than "eh you stinking bendecco, I iz feck yo mother and ave your father". Through all the spittle and sweat it is good to see the passion."